I’m so…lost.
It’s back. It’s evil, little hands are wrapped around my neck, pulling me down. I’ve survived for at least three years without taking medication for my depression and now it’s come screaming back into my life without even a warning. It’s just here. Full throttle and full force. I’m hoping that once I go back to work, I’ll be okay, but right now, I’m in a very dark place. A place that I don’t think I can get out of on my own.
I’ve been crying all day for no reason. I’m restless and unable to be soothed. I haven’t done anything to prepare for me going back to work. the only thing I’ve done is clean the kitchen. I haven’t done laundry, I haven’t prepared in any way, shape or form. I can barely make it out of bed every day and I’m lucky if I get out of bed to see daylight. I mentioned it in passing to my mom the other day and she asked if I was going to go see someone. I really don’t want to. I hate therapists. All the ones that I’ve seen, anyway. The doctor warned me this was going to happen after my hysterectomy. I just didn’t know it would be this strong. I thought maybe it would be a small lingering thing, but this is clouding my brain completely. I don’t even answer my phone anymore.
I’m so….lost.
gypsysioned said,
May 25, 2009 at 3:27 am
My heart goes out to you..i too suffer from depression, but the worst thing is the anxiety..You are NOT lost, you have just mislaid your path..You WILL find it again i promise you..
Marcy said,
May 25, 2009 at 7:57 am
If you’re pretty sure it is related to your hysterectomy, why not go to a regular doc or psychiatrist and get medication for short term — perhaps a lower than usual dose. It would at least get you through this darkest spot.
Could it also be related to going back to work? In that case, you might be able to work through whatever aspects of going back to work are upsetting you.
I’ve only had one good therapist, and relate to the reluctance to keep looking for another good one. But when you find a good one, it’s so worth it.
Best wishes.