What might have been?
Ok, I have a lot of catching up to do since I haven’t updated in a while. I went in for my colonoscopy on the 16th. I wanted my mom to just drop me off and come back and pick me up, but she wanted to be there for the whole thing. Why didn’t I want her to stay? Well, because I’ve hidden the fact that I’m a smoker from her for about 14 years and I knew the anesthiesiologist was going to mention it before he put under. And he did. And I found out later that my mom cried when she found out. And know she thinks I’m some kind of heroin addict. At least that’s how she treats it. Because after I got home from having the colonoscopy, things started to go downhill. My fingers and toes started tingling and I couldn’t keep anything down. I called my mom and she took me back to the hospital, but this time to the emergency room. While sitting in the emergency room, my muscles started spasming and my fingers kind of got locked in this claw position. It was really freaky and I didn’t know what to do or to think. Meanwhile, my stomach feels like it’s about to rip free from my body and I swear I can feel myself about to pass out. They finally get me in the room after getting me checked in and here comes an intern to give me my IV. You’ve got to be kidding me right? At that point, I was in so much pain, I didn’t really care. I just wanted it to go away. The intern started to take my blood first so they could send it for testing and I don’t know what happened, but all of a sudden, my blood was gushing down my arm and onto the floor. I was so out of it, that I just didn’t really care, but my mom told me later that it was pretty bad.
After all of that, they finally gave me some pain meds and then I was in heaven. Complete heaven. You could have told me anything at that point and I would have went along with it. Vote for McCain? Sure! Be the next person to go into space? Anything for you. For the next four hours, the nurses came to check on me a couple times and gave me a contrast to drink so they could do a CAT Scan. Around 2am and another dose of pain meds, they said I could go, told me to stay home for a couple of days, and sent me on my way. I went home, passed out, slept for a few hours, and then went to work the next day. I really did want to stay home, but I just got a promotion and I was the only person out of the two people in my department available to work, so I had to go in. I only worked for a few hours though, so it wasn’t too bad.
I finally had my follow up appointment on Thursday with the doctor and told him about the emergency room visit. He said that it was probably a reaction to the anesthesia since I was really dehydrated from the prep (laxatives, medicines, etc.). And he gave me my test results. He found out that I don’t have colitis, but he did find a few precancerous polyps which is really surprising in someone my age. Now, I have to go back every year and have a colonscopy done so they can keep an eye on the situation. I’m so thankful that I had it done, eventhough I was totally dreading it because who knows what could have happened. Before the test, I wasn’t due to have on until I was 50 and I just don’t even want to imagine what might have been. I’m so thankful to God for keeping me on this path because I almost cancelled the test several times after all the scheduling conflicts that happened between my doctor, me, and the hospital. In the meantime though, my stomach is still killing me ALL THE TIME, so my doctor wants me to get some bloodwork done and then he scheduled me for an endoscopy because when they did the contrast at the hospital, it never left my stomach, which means it’s not emptying the way it’s supposed to. Great mental image, huh? He thinks it may be diabetes, which the blood tests will determine. He also wants to check my thyroid and my gallbladder to rule that out. He also thinks my stomach might be spasming too much, so he gave me a prescription for that. My endoscopy’s at the end of the month and it’s a lot less invasive than the colonosocpy and I don’t have to do any prep work so I should be okay with the anestisia this time. We’ll see.
So that’s what’s going on medically. On the job front, I got a promotion and I’m no longer in Collections. Woohoo!! I’m now in Billing and I love it. I was stressed the first couple of weeks because September’s our busiest month and it was just crazy! But I got through it and was even complimented by the CFO, along with several of my coworkers, so I think it’s a good fit. I’m still working the second job for the time being, but I cut down to two days a week, so I’m going to see how that goes because I really do like working there.
In the personal/emotional area, I’m not doing so good. I kind of had a mental breakdown the other day, complete with anger and sobbing, and instead of being a release, I feel like it’s sticking to me like a dense fog. I can’t snap out of it. My best friend and I aren’t really talking anymore and I’m okay with it, but I feel like I shouldn’t be because we were friends for so long. I just think we’re in different places and on different paths and there are things that were said to me that I don’t know if I can forgive. Well, that’s not true. I can forgive, but I won’t forget.
Other than that, I’m plugging along. My mom and I went apple picking yesterday afternoon and it was so great! The apples were huge. They were bigger than my hand and so juicy and yummy and sticky. It was great. So much better than grocery store fruit. It felt great being in the country too. I really do think that I’m a country girl. I could totally see myself living out there, but I don’t know if the commute would be worth it for me. But the houses up there are beautiful and affordable (on my budget anyway). We saw a sign for a three bedroom house with a monthly payment that’s less than my rent. I seriously considered it for a minute and then put it out of my mind. But the more I think about it, the more it’s working it’s way through my brain. But the driving…that’s going to kill me. I don’t know. I need to think about it some more.
