Ew, is that your sofa?
I’m turning 29 on Sunday and I suddenly have the urge to be a grownup. No more mismatched furniture. No more stuff laying around. Useless, meaningless stuff that just sits there. Do I really need to keep that box of Victoria’s Secret mints that came out a million years ago just because they’re shaped like little pink lips? Or the Easter basket my mom gave me a few years ago that has a package of rock hard Peeps still nestled into the grass? Doubt it.
Oh, did I mention that I entered the Ugliest Couch Contest on Belfort Furniture? I wouldn’t necessarily call my couch “ugly”, but it’s a hand me down couch from my mom that was purchased at the tail end of the 80’s. It’s been used as a scratching post for at least two cats and is presently being held together by duct tape. Thank God for slipcovers. So, I got an email from the Admin Assitant at Belfort telling me that I was a finalist. If you’re in the D.C. area this weekend and feel like stopping at Belfort, vote for me (Finalist Sofa A)!
A Life Just A Bit Too Ordinary
I’ve been feeling so lost lately. I don’t really know what to do. Growing up, you want to believe that your life is going to be this great thing. This great experience. This great journey. Instead, I find myself living a mediocre life. A mediocre existence, but I don’t know what to do to get out of it. I don’t know what I want to be. I don’t know how I want to live. I just know that it’s not this.
I’ve been obsessed with Flickr lately and when you see a snapshot of someone’s life, you feel that they live with complete intent. That the life they have is exciting and fulfilling. How do I portray that in my photos? Is it enough to just portray the truth?
Hatred
I genuinely don’t understand how you can have so much hate in your heart for someone you don’t even know. I don’t understand how you can sit there and let it eat away at you. I don’t think there’s anyone in this world that I hate. There was at one time, but I had to let it go because I wasn’t hurting anyone but myself. That’s not to say that I’m going to be buddy/buddy with them now and act like best friends, but I don’t hate them anymore. I can’t. In the grand scheme of things, when this life is over, do you really want that hatred still stuck inside you?
It’s the hippie in me.
I saw this picture today while going through my whole Flickr ritual and realized that I’m in this exact place. I’m at a point in my life where I want to stop poisining myself. I want to stop putting bad things into my body and then wondering why it responds unkindly to me. I’ve thought long and hard about becoming a vegetarian and, sooner or later, vegan and I feel like it’s the right step for me. I don’t really know why I’m fighting it. I guess because it’s so much easier not to be one. Because it’s so much easier to pick up something and just shove it in your mouth, not thinking about where it came from or what’s in it. For the last six months, I’ve been eating healthier than I have in a long time and I feel myself slowly slipping…especially since I have this second job now. I just don’t want to get back to the place I was. I don’t want to look in the mirror and be completely disgusted with what I see.
I know that I don’t need to become a vegetarian to be healthy, but I think that I could be happier with that lifestyle. I feel like it’s the direction that I’m going. I’m still in the thinking/talking stages of it though and I still have a lot more research to do. I just want to make the best possible choice for my life right now.
One of the worst days I’ve had in a while
I woke up to one of my neighbors banging on my door. He said that there was smoke coming from the bushes outside of my house. I looked outside and got some water to try and put it out, but it wasn’t working. I ended up calling the fire department and they came and soaked the bushes and put it out. We think that someone threw a cigarette in the bushes and that’s why it caught on fire. Now my patio is full of branches and dirt because I haven’t had a chance to sweep it off yet.
All was uneventful at the first job until I heard from my best friend. She had either planned on moving here or I was going to move back to Jersey. I purposefully didn’t renew my lease because of it and instead went month to month at a higher price. Well, we were emailing back and forth about it and she pretty much told me that she doesn’t want to move here. Which is fine. But she also said she’s getting an apartment with someone else, so I’m pretty much SOL and need to figure out what I’m going to do. It just pisses me off because she does this to me every year and every year, I fall for it. I think that I’m a glutton for punishment. I think that I like getting my hopes up, only to be disappointed. Then, I can say, “see, I told you so”. That can’t be healthy.
After all of that, I had to go to the second job. All was fine and dandy until this couple walked in five minutes before we were about to close. Which I didn’t mind. They walked around the store, asked questions about the different foods, and ended up picking out something for their dog (who was in the store with them). They had their little boy with them and when they were just about to leave, they noticed that his diaper had leaked everywhere and asked to use our bathroom. No big deal there either. While they were changing him, they let the dog just walk around the store, his leash dragging behind him. One second, I look over and he’s fine. The next second, I see him peeing on two of the dog beds we have in the store. And it’s not even that that pissed me off, it was the way the dog looked at me as he was doing it. Like it was no big deal. Like he was cocky. Like he thought he ruled the nest. And he wasn’t my dog, so I couldn’t really say anything, but it just pissed me off. He probably does that all over their house too. He knew he was the Alpha and he knew he could do whatever the hell he wanted. It seemed like at any minute, he could bite my head off and that scared the shit out of me. So after they left, I had to clean up dog piss from the dog bed and the floor. The beds were wrapped in plastic and I don’t think it soaked through, but the plastic definitely needs to be changed. And the floor needs to be mopped with Nature’s Miracle so that every dog that comes in doesn’t pee on that one spot.
After all of that and after closing the store, I still had to run to the ATM and then pick up something for dinner. I was in the parking lot waiting for the guy behind me to back out and he was just sitting there, so I went for it. Then he started backing up too and I had to pull forward again before he hit me. Then as he’s driving away, he’s looking at me like I’m the asshole.
I finally get home around 9pm and I get even more aggravated because my girl kitty, Dara, keeps refusing to eat. I recently changed their food and she was good on it for a while, but now she won’t eat it. And she’s starting to get skinny. It’s really worrying me. I brought home some samples to see what flavor she might like and I think she’s into the Salmon and Brown Rice, so I may switch to that. I’ll have to watch her over the next couple of days. I’m more aggravated by the fact that she’s so stubborn than by the fact that she’s not eating. I’m just worried about her. I’m taking her to the vet next week, so I’ll ask them if they have any advice.
On the good news front, I’m having dinner with my friends Amy and Ann. I haven’t seen them in forever and they live right across the street! I always have so much fun when I go over there and they just got two new kitties, so I think I’m going to bring the kitty some treats from the store and then pick up some dessert on my way there. I can’t wait!
Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh
Ok, so I went to Old Navy on Thursday and picked up some jeans and a couple pair of pants. I’m wearing my black ones today and I feel like George on Seinfeld when he had that noisy suit. I’m whooshing all over the place. It’s really annoying, but slightly funny!
Nothing really new has been going on. I’m still working all the time and I’m so exhausted. All I want to do is sleep. I’m still addicted to Flickr in every way and feel like I need to check it every two seconds. I was babysitting my mom’s bird, Pip, for a week or so and she finally came and picked him up on Saturday. Thank the heavens! I love him, but he is so loud. And he bites. I also ended up entering this contest for Belfort Furniture for the ugliest couch. The couch I have now my mom got when we lived in Florida. Which was….1988. And right now, it’s being held together by tape and a dream. It’s ripped apart on the side from where my cat used it as a scratching post and you need the jaws of life to get back off the couch one you sit down. It’s covered by a slipcover at the moment, but it would be great to win, so I wouldn’t have to invest in a new couch myself.
I’m still waiting for my copy of Breaking Dawn to come in. I’m dying to read it!
Ok, gotta get back to work.
“I miss you honey. I….I just miss you. Your smell, your warmth, your touch. That face. Oh how I miss that face.”
I was cleaning out my emails and found some old ones from A. I thought I’d deleted them all, but I guess not. I wish I wasn’t so hung up on him. I really do. I don’t know what’s preventing me from moving on. I’m hoping I’m thinking about him as a distraction for something else that’s going on in my life because, seriously, am I really this pathetic?
