It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken
I’m so in the mood to take a nap today. You know when you slide into bed and get the gushy, yummy feeling? That’s what I want. To feel the coolness of the sheets, to have the light of the day peeking through the blinds, to snuggle up and just drift away. I have a half day at the first job today, so I think that’s what I’m going to do before I have to make my way to the second job.
I was reading Sundry’s entry from a couple days ago and she was talking about how she produces these amazing blog entries in her head and when she sits down to write, the magic dissipates. That’s how I feel sometimes. When I’m sitting in the car or when I’m watching tv, I think up these great blogs that just flow and slide across the page, but when I actually have time to sit down and write, I’m at a loss for words. I used to carry a pad and paper whereever I went, but I haven’t done that in, at least, six or seven years. The only problem with me writing things down is that then it’s not taking up space in my head and I forget about it or I move on to something else.
Ok, I have a lot more to write, but I’m way too tired and I need to finish what I’m doing before I leave work today.
Oh, I did want to talk about the conversation I had with A. (the ex) the other day. He called me last Saturday, but I was out, so I called him back on Sunday night and we talked for 45 minutes or so. It was one of the best conversations I’ve had in a long time. It felt like old times. We laughed and we joked and talked about music and what we’ve been up to lately. I didn’t mention his girlfriend/fiancee and neither did he. I wanted to, but I didn’t want to ruin the magic. And that’s what makes me ashamed. That I held onto my question so that I could trick myself into believing, if only for a moment, that there was hope. When will it ever end? When will I rid my mind of him? I’ve gone out with several people since we broke up (in 2005), but somehow, my mind always goes back to him. I’ve read book after book, including He’s Just Not That Into You and It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken, but even with their sly comments and can-do attitude, it hasn’t worked. What do I have to do? How can I cleanse myself of this man?
